Tuesday, February 7, 2012

More "proof" that I am a "terrorist" according to the law...

From Osceola county website, my comments in red...

Communities Against Terrorism

Potential Indicators of Terrorist Activities Related to Martial Arts and Paintball Activities  <because learning how to protect yourself, the basics of teamwork, sportsmanship and exercise are what terrorism is all about!>

What Should I Consider Suspicious?

Related to Individual Appearance, General Behavior, and Communications:
  • Alters appearance from visit to visit (beard shaved off, hair color changed, etc.)  <crap, I shaved>
  • Insists on paying with cash or uses credit card(s) in different name(s)  <crap, I use cash because being enslaved by some immoral bastard that gives me a plastic card just does not sound like fun to me>
  • Identification provided is inconsistent or suspect or demands identity "privacy"  <granted, I provide appropriate ID to law enforcement, but I do seem to have a bad habit of asking why they stop me for it>
  • Customer travels illogical distance to participate, or location is illogical for group  <who decides the distance is illogical?  A guy cannot visit another area to take part in a sport or competition, guess they need to keep an eye on those olympic people too then!>
  • Nervous/suspicious behavior or evasive about group's purpose (ask other patrons about group) <I don't know...seems like I always received a better reaction saying "oh, just hanging out with friends" as opposed to "heading over to a buddies house to get my slaughter on and go wenching!>
  • Interest in learning offensive moves in a confined space <again...because learning to defend yourself is such a bad thing...>
  • Interest in learning the use of hidden weapons  <because you can be completely clueless about a threat and still have no problem defending against it...not to mention my last RPG character was a NINJA!>
  • Interest in learning kill and restraint techniques with no occupational need  <see above...HE WAS A NINJA!>
  • Individuals who together are interested in learning group tactics  <yeah, like football players, soccer players, hockey players, wargamers, MMO raiders, paintballers, RTS gamers...>
  • Participants making racist or extreme religious statements <ok, honestly, I got nothing on this one>
  • Unusual comments made regarding anti-US, radical theology, vague or cryptic warnings <radical theology...okay, so no talking about fantasy pantheons or flying spaghetti monsters...what about aliens and the warnings about them returning?  Cryptic warnings...so...anyone who believes in the Second Coming of Christ, the Mayan 2012 thing, Global Warming, Global Cooling and Planet X?>
Related to Group Activities, Training Activities, and Training Location:
  • Incorporating close combat or hand-to-hand fighting into training  <like boxers, hockey players, MMA fighters and people who just think kung-fu is cool?  how about wrestlers?>
  • Designing a paintball field to mimic security checkpoints (such as schools, theaters, airports, malls)  <um...its called S-C-E-N-A-R-I-O paintball for a reason.  Seriously, what would OK D-day be like without a German checkpoint to storm?>
  • Using diagrams to create obstacles (may resemble building or airport security, etc.)  <yep...gotta keep an eye on those wargamers and role-playing freaks...>
  • Creating scenarios that incorporate law enforcement  <wow...so all those times I came up with missions involving the players (law enforcement) since 1992 make me a terrorist?>
  • Practicing kidnapping or ambush scenarios; may simulate use of RPG or explosives  <um...yeah...I must be the next Osama, all those non-fantasy RPGs (role-playing games), wargames and...oh CRAP!  I WAS IN THE ARMY!  I am so screwed...>
  • Referring to military/jihad training manuals or clearly submitting to a leader in the group  <you know...like your boss at work...or referring to military manuals because they actually teach some useful skills, like first aid for emergencies...>
  • Operating a private facility that's not available or advertised to the public  <like that gaming table in the basement...that only my friends and I use?>
  • Converting large plots of rural land to paintball fields or military style training camps  <errr...playing paintball in a downtown urban area would not be safe for bystanders...and you kinda NEED a large plot of rural land to play woodsball or scenario paintball.  Also, would get some seriously strange looks if you held ninja-camp downtown>
Note: It is important to remember that just because someone's speech, actions, beliefs, appearance, or way of life is different, it does not mean that he or she is suspicious.  <unless they play team sports, own a paintball field, talk about role-playing games, have a military background or believe in end of the world scenarios, write detective novels/comics/stories, etc>